“The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won’t let go of your life: your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away, but they’re not punishing you, they’re freeing your soul. If you’re frightened of dying and you’re holding on, you’ll see devils tearing your life away. If you’ve made your peace, then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth.”
Jacob’s Ladder, Meister Eckhart. https://youtu.be/yt3Ny_BG3yQ
The placenta is
The Christ of your mother which
Dies for you to live.
I’ve been thinking about Saturn and Venus in an astrotheological context, and considering the archetypes present in culture.
In the Avengers movies, Thanos is Saturn. His character originates from Titan, a moon of Saturn. He wants to bring order and balance to the universe, like Saturn, and he will kill his children to do so.
Gamora is Venus, green like new life, alluring and deadly like nature. Saturn must kill life to create order. When his task is finished, he is killed by Thor, the Sun god. Of note, Thor has lost his eye, like his father Odin did for wisdom, and also like Horus.
Here is the Thoth Tarot card of the Universe, followed by stills from Avengers: Infinity War. The imagery of the woman contending with Saturn, crushing the head of the snake, foreshadows the use of time travel to defeat Thanos. Gamora is resurrected by time travel, at the cost of her love for Quill and redemptive arc. Without graves, there would be no resurrection, to quote Nietzsche.
Death is the secret of life. These are ideas I’ve been playing with lately, like in this poem, “Die Daily.” I learned on Monday that I failed my board exam, and that my months of effort had been fruitless, while everyone else in my class passed. I’m going through the grief process, and reconciling myself to retaking it in June, after some intense, transformative study.
I decided to get an apartment near my work, and live apart from my wife and three children for the next three months while I study. It will save me a ninety minute commute daily, and allow me to do what I need to. I can’t help but feel like I’ve let them down. It’s wrenching to think about my kids without me.
But the core of Saturn, Death and order, is diamond. The rain on Saturn is diamonds. Link to article. Extreme pressure turns our dirt into beauty.
Further thought on Saturn and Venus; this passage makes me think that Jesus was Venus to the apostles, and his father was Saturn:
John 15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”
Sulfuric acid
Burns me, dissolves the lesser
Man, all that is not
Gold. So surgerize
Me, cut me open and bleed
Me dry, the pain makes
Me more alive. I
Can take it, pour it on me.
Revelation’s fire.
Cancer arises
From a failure of death at
A cellular stage.
Unbound, tendrils of
Parasite life infiltrate.
To cure, toxins, and
Radiation and
Surgery. Killing to save.
I die so I live.
Rev 6: Aramaic in Plain English
1And I saw when The Lamb opened one of the seven seals, and I heard one of The Four Beasts speaking like the sound of thunder: “Come and see*.” 2And I heard* and I saw and behold, a white horse, and he who sat upon it had a bow, and a crown was given to him, and he went out and gave victory, and was conquering and would conquer.
3And when he opened the second seal, I heard the second Beast which said, “Come.” 4And a red horse went out, and to him who sat upon it was given to take peace from The Earth and to kill each one, and a great sword was given to him.
5And when he opened the third seal, I heard the third Beast saying, “Come*”, and behold, a black horse, and he who sat upon him had a balance scale in his hand. 6And I heard a voice from among The Beasts, which said, “A two-quart measure of wheat for a denarius* and three two-quart measures of barley for a denarius, and you shall not harm the wine and the oil.”
7When he opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of a Beast saying, “Come*.”8And I saw a pale horse, and the name of him who sat upon it was Death, and Sheol joined him and authority was given to him over a fourth of The Earth to kill with the sword, with starvation, with Death, and by the animals of The Earth.
9And when he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been murdered for the word of God and for the testimony of Yeshua* which they had. 10And they cried with a great voice, and they were saying, “How long, LORD JEHOVAH, holy and true, do you not judge and avenge our blood upon the inhabitants of The Earth?” 11And to each and every one of them was given a white robe, and it was said that they should rest for a little season of time until their companions and their brothers were also perfected, who were going to be killed, even as they had been.
12And I saw when he opened the sixth seal, and there was a great earthquake, and the Sun was blackened like sackcloth of hair, and the whole moon became like blood. 13And the stars of the Heavens fell upon The Earth, like a fig tree casting its figs when it is shaken by a strong wind.14And the Heavens were parted like scrolls being rolled up, and every hill and all the islands were moved from their places. 15And the Kings of The Earth and The Princes and Captains of thousands and the rich and the mighty and every Servant and every Free Person, hid themselves in caves and in the rocks of the mountains, 16And they said to the mountains and rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from before the face of the Lamb,”17“Because the great day of his* anger has come, and who is able to stand?”
John 15:
1“I AM THE LIVING GOD, The True Vine, and my Father is the vine dresser.” 2“Every branch on me not yielding fruit he takes away, and that which yields fruit he purges that it may bring forth much fruit.” 3“From now on you are purged because of the word which I have spoken with you.” 4“Stay with me, and I am in you. Just as the branch cannot yield fruit by itself unless it remains on the vine, so neither do you unless you stay with me.” 5“I AM THE LIVING GOD, The Vine, and you are the branches; whoever abides with me and I in him, this one brings forth much fruit, because without me, you can do nothing.” 6“If a man does not abide with me, he is thrown away like a shriveled up branch, and they gather it, throwing it into the fire to burn.” 7“But if you are abiding in me and my words will abide in you, everything whatsoever you desire to ask, it shall be done for you.” 8“In this The Father is glorified, that you will bring forth much fruit and that you will be my disciples.” 9“Just as my Father has loved me, even so I have loved you; continue in my friendship.” 10“If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and I abide in his love.”11“I have spoken these things with you that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be perfect.”
12“This is my commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.”
13“There is no greater love than this: that a person would lay down his life for the sake of his friends.”* 14“You are my friends if you will do all that I command you.” 15“No longer do I call you servants, because a servant does not know what his master does, but I have called you my friends, because all that I have heard from my Father, I have taught you.” 16“You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you and I have appointed you so that you also will go bring forth fruit and your fruit will remain, so that all you will ask my Father in my name, he will give to you.” 17“These things I command you that you will love one another.”
18“And if the world hates you, know that it hated me before you.” 19“And if you had been from the world, the world would have loved its own; but you are not from the world, but I have chosen you from the world; because of this the world hates you.” 20“Remember the word that I have spoken to you, that there is no servant greater than his master. If they have persecuted me, they will persecute you also; if they have kept my word, they will also keep yours.”21“They will do all these things among you because of my name, because they do not know him who has sent me.” 22“If I did not come speaking with them, they would have no sin, but now there is no covering for their sin.” 23“Whoever hates me hates my Father also.” 24“If I had not done the works in their sight which no other man had done, they would not have sin, But now they have seen and hated me and my Father also. 25That the word which is written in their law may be fulfilled: ‘They hated me for nothing.’ “
26“But when The Redeemer of the accursed comes, him whom I shall send to you from the presence of my Father, The Spirit of Truth, he who proceeds from the presence of my Father, he shall testify concerning me.” 27“You also are testifying, who are with me from the beginning.”
I identify
With former child stars, washed
Up. Anonymous,
Unaddicted, still
Am I a tarnished relic
Of former promise.
The part of me that says, “I wish I’d never been born,”
I’m teaching to say, “I wish my hair had never been shorn.”
That said, “I wish I was dead,” to say, “I wish I had dreads.”
That says, “I should just kill myself,” to say,
“I should just thrill myself. Thrill everybody.”
“Your real educators, those who formed you, reveal to you what is the true primary meaning and fundamental substance of your being … Your true self does not lie deeply concealed within you but immeasurably high above you, or at least above what you usually take for your ego.” Nietzsche
What I love is the
Neat, obedient, well made.
Miniature, fine
Tuned, durable, marked
By craftsmanship. Intricate,
Smelling of old wood
And discipline. Love
I also the raw, untamed,
Unshorn, tacky, and
Tawdry, unabashed
And simple, open and free.
Wild, naked, real.
I am Apollo
And I am Dionysus,
Sharing a lifetime.
