Step on my neck to
Get ahead, don’t be surprised
When I fucking bite.
Step on my neck to
Get ahead, don’t be surprised
When I fucking bite.
Throttle, crush, smash, just
Nonstop devastation and
Cruelty abound.
I will make you so
Sorry that you ever crossed
Me. Choke you to death.
Rip your snide little
Grin right off your fucking face.
Struggle and suffer.
Burn in agony.
I hope you die blue in the
Face, gasping for breath.
I am pitiless.
They have pitted us against
Each other. Only
One can arise from
This pit, and it’s going to
Be me. No mercy.
I have always been
A mutant freak, different
From the norm, and now
You see it, and you
Watch for my horns to grow. You’re
Sure I’m just waiting
For the other shoe
To drop, to flee and fly from
You, join my freaky
Friends. I reassure
You, that I don’t have any
Friends; you are my home.
I have nowhere to
Fly, and I cannot picture
Life without you there.
Can you do better?
What it would cost me, how could
I justify that?
Live with myself when
I’ve caused so much pain to those
I love the most? But
Must I choose between
Expressing my truth, being
My authentic self,
And watching my kids
Raised by someone else? Tension
Is killing me slow.
You’d think becoming
A doctor would lead to my
Deep fulfillment, an
Intersection of
My gifts and the world’s needs.
No. It’s all band-aids.
I save a life and
Forget it, beat my head on
The wall when I don’t
Know an answer. It’s
Ashes in my mouth. Reward
For years of struggle
Is to be beset
By insoluble problems.
I long for music,
Peace, rest, safety, an
End to toil and turmoil.
Sabbath of Sabbaths.
There’s a dunce cap I
Wear every day, sometimes I
See it, and realize
Why everyone laughs
At me. I struggle to put on don
The jester’s hat so
I can laugh with them.
Then I forget, and assume
It’s a mortarboard.
You enticed me here
With promises of talent
Fulfilled, potential
Realized. Service and
A community of like
Minds. Then you locked me
In a sewer, to
Twist and writhe as you giggle
At my agony.
I can’t free myself.
No rescuer waits in the
Wings. If I want a
Miracle, Deus
Ex Machina, it will have
To come from my heart.
It isn’t what it
Is, and it’s not what it is
Not. Nothing and all.
If you want it, it’s
Wrong. If you avoid it, it
Finds you anyway.
There is a perfect
Circle, and you are a point
On a distant plane.
When you’re right, you’re wrong.
When you’re wrong, you’re dead wrong. But
Keep on trying, friend.
Nothing they say can
Hurt me. Stop me. Change me. Make
A damn bit of a
Difference in my
Life. I scatter them to the
Four winds, they vanish.