Cursed Geometry?

Warning: some of these images really disturb me. No actual violence is depicted, but they’re disturbing symbols. This post is really just a rebus thread representing my train of thought.

I was at my job, and came across the unicursal hexagram on an artwork on one of the walls. I was surprised, as it’s an occult symbol, and my first thought was Lucifer’s Sigil.

Which it resembles, certainly.

Spanish penitents, capirote

Capirote and kids
Early KKK
Crocodile
Goose

Hit Me as Hard as You Can

I can’t have been the only teenager who saw Fight Club in 1999 and wanted to go out and beat the shit out his friends, in hopes that we’d all feel a lot better and understand ourselves at the end of it.

Chuck Palahniuk’s novel and David Fincher’s film named a dynamic that I’m only now elucidating, with some help from Jung, Crowley, and Nietzsche: why do I crave both beauty and destruction? Why are my playlists a mixture of Mozart and Metallica? Why do I, a good hearted, Christian husband father and physician, sometimes seethe with rage and crave a storm to wash away all this filth? Is nothingness freedom, or is it nothing? Is love a prison?

Nietzsche said that God is an artist, not a moralist. His moods are wildly variable, and while supposedly changeless, He’s in fact endlessly changing, protean. Christian morality is inherently pessimistic, nihilist. It wants the end of the world, it wants there to be nothing, nobody left. A sterile, changeless void.

Certainly, you could argue that Christian morality as taught is untenable. When your thought is a crime, and you commit adultery when you look at a woman, when you are worthy of hellfire if you call your brother an idiot, it’s impossible to follow. The more you read the Bible, the more you realize how strange and subjective the text is. You read the Gospels, and they contradict themselves. Jesus is a son of David in Matthew, not a son of David in John. Jesus is crucified on a different day in Mark and John. The epistles are dense texts addressed to people we don’t know about topics we have to guess about. Revelations tells a compelling story referencing multiple symbolic systems that we don’t have in our current canonical texts.

If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him. This is a Buddhist aphorism that summarizes a meta-dynamic I’ve sensed for years is at play within the Bible. The God you can understand is not the real God. If you claim to speak for Jesus, you’re a liar. You’re blessed when you’re cursed. You’re rich when you’re poor.

Through the union of opposites, we annihilate them both and find the unity at the center. Nietzsche said that tragedy was the emergence of Apollonian reason through the catastrophe of Dionysian forces. I’d say this is a pretty fair summary of the narrative of the Bible. Morality occurs from what you learn by engaging in the text and with life, and picking up the pieces from the wreckage of your annihilated life. Kind of like Fight Club.

Twenty Eight

Inputted my first

Name to Chaldean numbers,

Got twenty eight. Was

Told this meant I was

Unlucky, unwanted. I

Start strong, then hit so

Many roadblocks, it

All dries up; I have to start

Again. Losses are

Inexorable.

Well, fuck. That’s my life to a

Tee when I’m on a

Depression jag. But,

Here’s why that’s bullshit. Netzach

Is twenty eight, is

Victory, power.

It’s four seven times, it’s Gad,

Warrior tribe, the

Strongest brother of

Israel, and there’s four of

Him. G-d named as He

Is seen in Venus,

Adonai ha-Aretz, I

Am beloved of

The Lord, times four. With

These prophecies in conflict,

I derive union:

Strength and power must

Not grow complacent, but must

Practice the strictest

Discipline. For a

Kingdom neglected goes to

Ruin, is torn by

War without end. The

Beloved provokes envy,

Leads to malice, so

Must my splendor be

Veiled, disclosed with time and care;

I am a pearl,

Not to be cast to

Swine. Material things I

Will lose; gold remains.

Thirsty

“So thirsty am I.

Miss? Could you get me water?”

“You’re not supposed to

Talk to me.” “If you

Knew who I was, you’d want my

Water. Never thirst

Again.” “Fine. Give me.”

“Get your husband, I’ll give it

To him.” “Which one?” “You’re

On number six, right?

Let me be seven.” “Let’s do

It then. You want to

Be top or bottom?”

“We do it face to face. Me

In you and you, me.”

Dueling the Dweller

Chronozon’s sigil

Blazes across my vision,

Falling angel is

Divebombing toward

Me. I don’t back down, fuck you,

Dweller at the gate,

I am anointed

Of the Lord, priest of the truth,

I incarnate my

Highest self, arms

And shoulders of oak, my will

Is iron, you can

Never defeat me.

Flash all the middle fingers

And pentagrams you

Want, I know your true

Name and I’ve seen your real face.

Like dust in the wind.

The Tower

We were going to

Make a name for ourselves. We

Went up the tower

To say the word, and

Then BOOM! Thunderbolt.

We all got knocked out.

I sat up, and I couldn’t

Say the word. I looked around.

Jack was mumbling. Me?

“Mem.” Billy said “Gol.”

Only a syllable for

Us. We went back down.

Everything fallen.

We went our separate ways.

Scattered forever.

Aroma Mortis 💀

Grandfather has been

Dead fifteen years. I put on

My mask today, and

Smelled him in my stale

Sweat, like a revenant. Deep

In my glands, lingers

The old man. Coming

For my youth. Vitality.

Aroma of death.

“Rational truth, root of evil and good.
Round me flew the flaming sword;
Round her snowy whirlwinds roar’d,
Freezing her veil, the mundane shell.
I rent the veil where the dead dwell:
When weary man enters his cave,
He meets his Saviour in the grave.
Some find a female garment there,
And some a male, woven with care,
Lest the sexual garments sweet
Should grow a devouring winding sheet.
One dies! alas! the living and dead!
One is slain! and one is fled!
In vain-glory hatcht and nurst,
By double Spectres, self accurst.” William Blake

Ape of Thoth

I can’t understand

What you’re saying. Speak clearly.

You’re mumbling.

Speak up. The words you

Say have consequences. Oh,

Is that what you mean?

Why didn’t you just

Say that? You need to learn to

Be articulate.

If I had realized

What you were saying, it would

Have changed everything.

You can’t help me. No

One can. I am doomed to this

Life, and the shadows

Flickering upon

The wall are the sum total

Of my existence.