My Self Talk

The part of me that says, “I wish I’d never been born,”

I’m teaching to say, “I wish my hair had never been shorn.”

That said, “I wish I was dead,” to say, “I wish I had dreads.”

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That says, “I should just kill myself,” to say,

“I should just thrill myself. Thrill everybody.”

Photos: The Making of Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' Video - Rolling Stone

Nick at Nite and the Occult

Just struck by how many old TV shows on Nick at Nite when I was a kid had strange occult premises.

Mr. Ed: a foolish young man and his familiar, a horse

I Dream of Jeannie: astronaut marries a succubus

Bewitched: man married undead crone

My Mother, the Car: haunted automobile harasses bereaved son, impersonating his mother

The Flying Nun: levitation proves problematic for a novice nun

Stupid

There’s a dunce cap I
Wear every day, sometimes I
See it, and realize

Why everyone laughs
At me. I struggle to put on don
The jester’s hat so

I can laugh with them.
Then I forget, and assume
It’s a mortarboard.

Man In Black

Can I have this dance?

Please don’t mind my feet, they are

Basically hooves.

Sure, I have a beak

For a nose. Yes, my eyes burn

Red in the moonlight.

I am so cold, my

Dear, even with all this fur.

Warm me, take me home.

Just do a tiny

Favor for me: renounce your

Baptism. No big

Deal. Make me your new

God, and I’ll be so good to

You, you’ll never doubt.

Dr Seuss At Night

I would not, could not

In the butt, I would not, could

Not, for it is shut.

A finger in my

Ass, you say? No finger will

Enter me today.

A leather ball gag

Is not for me; even if

You say I’m a drag.

These proclivities

Which you suggest are simply

Not my cup of tea.

Try it and I may,

You say? Very well. Only

To please you. Okay.

Say! This isn’t so

Bad. I rather like it in

The butt! You can go

Further, if you want!

Faster, faster, go, go, go!

Wow! What a jaunt!

I do so like it

In the ass! Perhaps I’ll try

That ball gag! Don’t quit!

You are a wise man,

I can see, humane, thank you,

Thank you, Sam I Am.

(Illustrations from Dr. Seuss’ The Seven Lady Godivas)