Better plan a quick
Funeral because you are
Fucking dead to me.
Door Slam
Tag: infj
Strings Attached
My father told me
“From whom much is given much
Is expected in
Return.” Now I see
That’s not how gifts work. That’s how
Bank loans and contracts
Work. Gifts are freely
Given and received, not to
Count the cost. My life.
Better
Can you do better?
What it would cost me, how could
I justify that?
Live with myself when
I’ve caused so much pain to those
I love the most? But
Must I choose between
Expressing my truth, being
My authentic self,
And watching my kids
Raised by someone else? Tension
Is killing me slow.
Twenty Eight
Inputted my first
Name to Chaldean numbers,
Got twenty eight. Was
Told this meant I was
Unlucky, unwanted. I
Start strong, then hit so
Many roadblocks, it
All dries up; I have to start
Again. Losses are
Inexorable.
Well, fuck. That’s my life to a
Tee when I’m on a
Depression jag. But,
Here’s why that’s bullshit. Netzach
Is twenty eight, is
Victory, power.
It’s four seven times, it’s Gad,
Warrior tribe, the
Strongest brother of
Israel, and there’s four of
Him. G-d named as He
Is seen in Venus,
Adonai ha-Aretz, I
Am beloved of
The Lord, times four. With
These prophecies in conflict,
I derive union:
Strength and power must
Not grow complacent, but must
Practice the strictest
Discipline. For a
Kingdom neglected goes to
Ruin, is torn by
War without end. The
Beloved provokes envy,
Leads to malice, so
Must my splendor be
Veiled, disclosed with time and care;
I am a pearl,
Not to be cast to
Swine. Material things I
Will lose; gold remains.
The Invisibles
The ones who know me like no one else.
The ones who know my worth.
The ones who have my back
The ones who will not quit until all are redeemed.
The ones to help me free the G-d from the machine.
The ones who are like me.
The ones whose powers and abilities are beyond mine, and can shepherd me.
The ones who set this plan in motion long ago, and know that love wins out.
Christopher Robin
You did well today.
You deserve to get some rest.
You are very loved.
Your work matters. No
One can take that away from
You. You help people.
You don’t have to know
Everything. No one does. They
Just pretend to. I
Am very proud of
You. You did exactly what
You were supposed to.
You have earned what
You have. Justifying your
Life again won’t make
You feel well. Resting
Will. You inspire me. You
Are always loving
Always caring, you
Always try to do the right
Thing. You are my best
Friend. There’s no one I’d
Rather go through life with than
You, silly old bear.
Treasure Hunting
I thought I was safe,
And returned to where I had
Hidden my treasure.
Landmarks cannot be
Trusted, for the landscape has
Changed, as I have changed.
My shovel tore a
Hole in the red clay, where the
Prize should have been, but
There was only a
Tunnel. Was it taken by
A robber? I climbed
Down into the hole,
All was darkness. I felt my
Way along the walls.
When my daylight from
Above winked out, my screams did
Not produce a sound.
I kicked something so
Solid; the dull thud told me.
I’d found my treasure,
Without question. Now
I needed one to come and
Dig me out of here.
Tuxedo
To be a man; be
Seen strong and lean, then filthy,
Depraved, then repeat.
Complex
I am not other girls.
I am multiplicity.
I am mystery.
