Food doesn’t taste right.
Take a pill. Feeling mean. Take
A pill. Dark clouds hang
Over me. Take a pill.
This time I’ll feel better. I
Take a pill. I wait.

Food doesn’t taste right.
Take a pill. Feeling mean. Take
A pill. Dark clouds hang
Over me. Take a pill.
This time I’ll feel better. I
Take a pill. I wait.
You have to give up.
Hope is what is killing you.
It will never change.
It will always hurt
Like this. Nothing will improve it.
Release it and breathe.
My face doesn’t work.
When my family sees me,
They worry, “what has
Happened?” Nothing. This
Is just who I am now. This
Shell is all I am.
Each day I chisel
The rough surface of this rock,
Trying to find the
Sculpture. I chip off
The words I don’t want to say,
“I don’t feel close to
You right now,” “I take
Pills to make life bearable,”
“If I could run, I
Would.” Another chip.
“I know you sense the dread in
Me, but haven’t the
Words to express it.”
“My best days are behind me.
They flew past while I
Was waiting for some
Validation that didn’t
Come. There is less of
Me each day.” I would
Rather die with these words not
Said, than hurt any
Of you. Alas am
I fated to wound you to
The core. Chip, chip, chip.
You are so joyful
And I mean nothing to you.
I wither and die.
Oblivion dreamt
I, one night, and still it calls
To me, beckoning.
Chained in the darkness,
In the wreckage of many
Affectations, I
Have no desire.
Liberation? To what? There
Is no world out
There to return to.
This is where I always have
Been, will always be.
I trigger you and
You trigger me. We compete
And re-enact our
Parent’s drama. You
Are jealous of me, lash out.
I am stung, speak true
Vitriol, withdraw,
To rehearse the battle, time
And again. I swear
To never speak to
You, but crave your amusement
At my wit. I want
You to accept me,
But you can’t, because I am
What you are not. I
Am wise in ways that
You can’t be, and diminish
You by my presence.
We are not equals.
I am better. And so when
I offer you my
Warm embrace, you spurn
It, and power trip with your
Dubious stolen
Authority. I
Want you only to act like
A person, but you
Can only bully
And escalate. I withdraw,
Seek to shame you with
My silence. I make
Myself bigger and stronger
And louder and more
Proficient, useful
By the world’s standards, but
To no avail, still
You reject me. I
Cannot be other than what
I am. I am wise,
Articulate, well
Loved. A good brother would cheer
Me, not feel upstaged.
This becomes dusty
Death, another loss for me
To grieve, you won’t pull
Me down with you. I
Am alive and free and light.
A star, I must shine.
Step on my neck to
Get ahead, don’t be surprised
When I fucking bite.