I recreate the best parts of my childhood for my children
And as for the worst parts,
I relive them endlessly in my dreams and internal thought life

I recreate the best parts of my childhood for my children
And as for the worst parts,
I relive them endlessly in my dreams and internal thought life
I sought to excise the unruly elements from my life, but
Found that in me there was
An irreducible unruliness that would not be subdued
You will never get back what you’ve lost, you can only hope that you
Forget what you wanted
And how it made you feel, before you got crushed by desolation
My desire grows
In darkness, secret
Places, yearns for touch
We don’t talk anymore; I
Pretend it’s mutual but
It was you who decided.
Perhaps I wasn’t good for
You, though I always tried to
Be good to you. For the best,
I tell myself, while the you
Shaped hole in me aches, empty
It makes me itch not
To talk to her, but
I hate myself less
Would that I were less versed in
The ways and means of violence,
Perhaps I would sleep easy
Are others’ minds like mine? Do
They whir with fantasy, then
Screech in harsh accusation?
The love of your kin spreads its
Virulent tendrils into
My spine, draining my spirit