Mutant Freak

I have always been

A mutant freak, different

From the norm, and now

You see it, and you

Watch for my horns to grow. You’re

Sure I’m just waiting

For the other shoe

To drop, to flee and fly from

You, join my freaky

Friends. I reassure

You, that I don’t have any

Friends; you are my home.

I have nowhere to

Fly, and I cannot picture

Life without you there.

Better

Can you do better?

What it would cost me, how could

I justify that?

Live with myself when

I’ve caused so much pain to those

I love the most? But

Must I choose between

Expressing my truth, being

My authentic self,

And watching my kids

Raised by someone else? Tension

Is killing me slow.

Manifesting

At the threshold to

Abundance, I beheld my

Heart’s deepest yearning.

To be seen, to be

Known, appreciated and

Cherished. To see joy

In stranger’s eyes when

They behold me. To speak and

Be heard, understood.

To enjoy the fruits of

My labors. To have my love

Exchanged, increased, shared.

To no longer be

Alone, to share my deepest

Longings with someone.

Finished screaming to

The void, now my voice joins with

A chorus, comrades.

Ape

To you, I’m an ape.

The one who can’t get it right.

Your erudition

By ineptitude

Mocked. Your endorsement forced by

Circumstance, against

Your better judgment.

You put your weakness on me.

With a word I could

Destroy you, but it

Wouldn’t change a thing. Just like

Nothing I do will

Change your mind. I must

Spend my days, body wracked with

Tension, laboring

To master every

Intricacy over and

Again, trying to

Forget you exist.

Futility ever dogs

Me. To you I send

It, from whence it came.

This craft is beautiful, and

It is mine to keep.

Lucidity

Sometimes I wonder

How the fuck this all happened.

My life. All the shit.

The good, the bad, the

Strange. It is as unreal to

Me as sci-fi is.

Whose dream am I? Do

I dare to wake? When will I

Lose the thread and fall?

Stupid

There’s a dunce cap I
Wear every day, sometimes I
See it, and realize

Why everyone laughs
At me. I struggle to put on don
The jester’s hat so

I can laugh with them.
Then I forget, and assume
It’s a mortarboard.

Angel in Chains

You enticed me here

With promises of talent

Fulfilled, potential


Realized. Service and

A community of like

Minds. Then you locked me


In a sewer, to

Twist and writhe as you giggle

At my agony.


I can’t free myself.

No rescuer waits in the

Wings. If I want a

Miracle, Deus

Ex Machina, it will have

To come from my heart.

Double Bind

It isn’t what it

Is, and it’s not what it is

Not. Nothing and all.

If you want it, it’s

Wrong. If you avoid it, it

Finds you anyway.

There is a perfect

Circle, and you are a point

On a distant plane.

When you’re right, you’re wrong.

When you’re wrong, you’re dead wrong. But

Keep on trying, friend.