Hit Me as Hard as You Can

I can’t have been the only teenager who saw Fight Club in 1999 and wanted to go out and beat the shit out his friends, in hopes that we’d all feel a lot better and understand ourselves at the end of it.

Chuck Palahniuk’s novel and David Fincher’s film named a dynamic that I’m only now elucidating, with some help from Jung, Crowley, and Nietzsche: why do I crave both beauty and destruction? Why are my playlists a mixture of Mozart and Metallica? Why do I, a good hearted, Christian husband father and physician, sometimes seethe with rage and crave a storm to wash away all this filth? Is nothingness freedom, or is it nothing? Is love a prison?

Nietzsche said that God is an artist, not a moralist. His moods are wildly variable, and while supposedly changeless, He’s in fact endlessly changing, protean. Christian morality is inherently pessimistic, nihilist. It wants the end of the world, it wants there to be nothing, nobody left. A sterile, changeless void.

Certainly, you could argue that Christian morality as taught is untenable. When your thought is a crime, and you commit adultery when you look at a woman, when you are worthy of hellfire if you call your brother an idiot, it’s impossible to follow. The more you read the Bible, the more you realize how strange and subjective the text is. You read the Gospels, and they contradict themselves. Jesus is a son of David in Matthew, not a son of David in John. Jesus is crucified on a different day in Mark and John. The epistles are dense texts addressed to people we don’t know about topics we have to guess about. Revelations tells a compelling story referencing multiple symbolic systems that we don’t have in our current canonical texts.

If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him. This is a Buddhist aphorism that summarizes a meta-dynamic I’ve sensed for years is at play within the Bible. The God you can understand is not the real God. If you claim to speak for Jesus, you’re a liar. You’re blessed when you’re cursed. You’re rich when you’re poor.

Through the union of opposites, we annihilate them both and find the unity at the center. Nietzsche said that tragedy was the emergence of Apollonian reason through the catastrophe of Dionysian forces. I’d say this is a pretty fair summary of the narrative of the Bible. Morality occurs from what you learn by engaging in the text and with life, and picking up the pieces from the wreckage of your annihilated life. Kind of like Fight Club.

Samuel and Agag

Prepared I am to

Smite. No cannibal can be

Tolerated. These

Ogres will taste my

Steel deep in their gullets. No

More shall they grow fat

On my people’s backs.

The thunder you hear will be

Their heads rolling on

The ground. If Saul thinks

He can save his cousins, he’ll

Be the next to die.

Lot’s Wife

Let’s call her Lottie.
She just watched her whole life in
Flames, Sheol on earth.

Her husband offered
Her daughters to be raped to
Appease wickedness.

Sole survivors of
Genocide, and she was left
Alive? Her? How was

She to live? Darkness,
No hint of a savior. She
Wisely turned to salt.

Thrown

I have been thrown, to

A world not mine. Naked,

Screaming, fighting, on

The run, I don’t know

Why, and I can’t ever stop.

Everyone wants to

Kill me. I didn’t

Ask to play this game, but I

Will go down swinging.

Serial Fiction Master List

Full Fathom Five:

Full Fathom Five #1

Full Fathom Five #2

Full Fathom Five #3

Full Fathom Five #4

Full Fathom Five #5

Full Fathom Five #6

Full Fathom Five #7

Full Fathom Five #8

http://melodramaticphysician.com/2020/07/15/full-fathom-five-9/

Full Fathom Five #10

Full Fathom Five #11

Erik Excellus, Voyager:

Erik Excellus, Voyager #1

Erik Excellus, Voyager #2

Infamous Carson Colt:

Infamous Carson Colt #1

Infamous Carson Colt #2

Infamous Carson Colt #3

Infamous Carson Colt #4

Infamous Carson Colt #5

Infamous Carson Colt #6

Regicide:

Regicide #1: In Traction

Lust for Power:

Lust for Power # 1

Lust for Power # 2

Lust for Power #3

Assassin Nation

Assassin Nation #1

Assassin Nation #2

Assassin Nation #3: Ultraviolence

Assassin Nation #4: The Hermit

Juan X:

Juan X #1

Juan X #2: Mapa Mundi

William Wild:

William Wild #1

Shamshael:

Shamshael #1: Sam and Carl

Shamshael #2: Underneath the Bridge

Shamshael #3: Transfigured

Shamshael #4: Devastation

Joker’s Logic

If you no longer
Wished to play this game, a text
Would have sufficed. “Hey,

Joe, I am picking
You up, back to Arkham.” You
Didn’t have to bust

Down the walls of my
Compound, interrogate my
Henchmen, brutalize

My poor sweet Harley,
That’s my job! Only joking.
I’d lose my head if

She wasn’t around.
Ha. I will admit that I
Crossed boundaries. It’s

In my nature. Did
I shoot Batgirl in the
Spine, strip her nude and

Sodomize her? Did
I torture Gordon with the
Photos of this crime?

You point the finger
At me, but I know you were
Eventually

Going to do the
Exact same thing, except with
Less panache. I just

Beat you to it, like
I beat old Jason to death.
Same thing, I know you

Thought about it, when
You watched the little jerk. I
See the pistol in

Your hand, and I fear
You’ll do something rash. Please let
Me speak, I am known

To be quite lucid
In times of stress. Batman does
Not kill, every kid

Knows that. So if you
Pull that trigger, the bullet
Goes both ways. Joker

Dies, but so does Bats,
And I’ve grown rather fond of
You, my dear Bruce Wayne.

Please believe I can
Reform; if I am redeemed,
There is hope for you.