I learned how to see
Auras this week. Not read them;
I see clear haloes
Of shimmering flux
Above people’s heads. Today,
We operated
On a very sick
Woman. Her aura clung to
Her, and after she
Had anesthesia,
It rose to fill the ceiling
Of the OR. When
We waited to start
The surgery, I implored
Her silently to
Stay, just a little
Longer, not to leave us here
On earth alone. I
Hope she listened. She
Will awaken soon; my heart
Cannot bear more death.
My hands want to strike
But I’ll only hurt myself.
My lips curl to
Curse, but it doubles
Back on me. Where to take this
Animosity?
At sun up I’m done.
Used, disposable, stranger
To all those for whom
I’ve given so much.
I inhale their unkindness,
Exhale pure love, I
Am free, I am me,
And I love my life. No one
Will take it from me.
Overnight shift like it’s
The belly of the beast and
You’re rolling in the
Bile, you just want one
Thing you can look forward to
Where is the blowhole?
I feel like Charlie
Fucking Brown, astonished when
Shitty people do
Shitty things. I thought
My expectations were low
Enough, but Surprise!
My eyes turn black, my
Heart grows cold. I am now a
Stone. Prick all you want.
Can I have this dance?
Please don’t mind my feet, they are
Basically hooves.
Sure, I have a beak
For a nose. Yes, my eyes burn
Red in the moonlight.
I am so cold, my
Dear, even with all this fur.
Warm me, take me home.
Just do a tiny
Favor for me: renounce your
Baptism. No big
Deal. Make me your new
God, and I’ll be so good to
You, you’ll never doubt.
Inputted my first
Name to Chaldean numbers,
Got twenty eight. Was
Told this meant I was
Unlucky, unwanted. I
Start strong, then hit so
Many roadblocks, it
All dries up; I have to start
Again. Losses are
Inexorable.
Well, fuck. That’s my life to a
Tee when I’m on a
Depression jag. But,
Here’s why that’s bullshit. Netzach
Is twenty eight, is
Victory, power.
It’s four seven times, it’s Gad,
Warrior tribe, the
Strongest brother of
Israel, and there’s four of
Him. G-d named as He
Is seen in Venus,
Adonai ha-Aretz, I
Am beloved of
The Lord, times four. With
These prophecies in conflict,
I derive union:
Strength and power must
Not grow complacent, but must
Practice the strictest
Discipline. For a
Kingdom neglected goes to
Ruin, is torn by
War without end. The
Beloved provokes envy,
Leads to malice, so
Must my splendor be
Veiled, disclosed with time and care;
I am a pearl,
Not to be cast to
Swine. Material things I
Will lose; gold remains.
Yesterday I felt
A firm tapping between my
Eyebrows. Insights have
Been coming so fast
I don’t write them all down like
Before. I breathe in,
Reflect, dedicate
Myself to Yahshuhah, and
Let my light in me.
